Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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