she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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