just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
