so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize