ADVERTISEMENT

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.

  Fav 9 961 2072

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.

  Fav 16 3423 877

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.

  (360): View more from Washington

  I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.

  Fav 92 5107 1381

  share tweet
  

• (208): View more from Idaho

  How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?

  Fav 30 4088 1839

  share tweet
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.

  Fav 21 1085 6010

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.

  Fav 7 2933 970

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (614): View more from Ohio

  Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night

  Fav 3 910 946

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?

  Fav 6 832 1589

  share tweet
  

• (207): View more from Maine

  I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.

  Fav 3 1037 924

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm

  Fav 5 691 487

  share tweet
  

• (305): View more from Florida

  He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?

  Fav 5 1196 1039

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (586): View more from Michigan

  He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.

  Fav 2 884 574

  share tweet
  

• (587): View more from Alberta

  I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.

  Fav 4 620 477

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl

  Fav 0 44 21

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (912): View more from Georgia

  Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.

  Fav 1 31 11

  share tweet
  

Randomize