I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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