I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
