I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
