so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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