u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
