My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Randomize
