Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
dude. I can hear the air.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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