but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I puked a lego.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
