I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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