My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
