Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
