my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
