This is not my ceiling
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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