Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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