We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
