Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
