I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
