You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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