He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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