Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
the raccoons are back...
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