She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
