Where did you get a picture of my penis
literally had 100 drinks last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize