I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
