I love black thongs
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
