Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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