if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
