I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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