Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
