When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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