yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize