He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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