I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
And then he peed in my hair
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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