Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize