You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
id be glad to
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
MIDGETS
????
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
