I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
