dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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