There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
