Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
