Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize