I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
