I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
