I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
