six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
