definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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