Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
