I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Life is so much better after having sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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