omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
