woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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