so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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