ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
