the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
