I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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