I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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