toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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