so that wasnt chicken after all
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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