Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
