she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
PANTIES FOUND
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