I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
