I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
