Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think my tv is drunk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
