Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
