my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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