we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
