quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
